Image by Matt Verzola

Uhh, excuse me. Can I get me some momi? Like, pearl tapioca, please? Dude, QQ? Boba, por favor? Any way you ask it, it all points to the ever-popular Taiwanese drink most commonly known as bubble tea. What is bubble tea? For those poor deprived cats who don’t know, the basic bubble tea drink is a mix of sweet milk with black or green tea. The ‘bubbles’ are the black thing-a-ma-bobbers at the bottom of the glass, better known as tapioca. (In less sophisticated terms, I like to refer to them as gooey balls of sweetness.)

And in celebration of the Chinese New Year, I thought it’d be mighty nice to ring it in at one of the best bubble tea venues in the city. Ladies, may I present to you: Saint’s Alp Teahouse.

Image by Matt Verzola

Nestled in the East Village on the periphery of St. Marks, Saint’s Alp is a hot spot for the bubble tea connoisseur. Since I consider myself one (cough cough), I have to admit these guys know how to bring it.

There are a few secrets to Saint’s Alp’s success. Perhaps one of the reasons why it has such a large following is because its teas are top quality and quite tasty. Saint’s grows its own special tea on farms in Taiwan and imports it here. Plus, unlike other bubble tea joints, it cooks its tapioca every half hour so the balls are ever-fresh-and-so-clean-clean for your chewing pleasure.

What do Acqua di Parma, Kol Design, Jane Iredale, DL & Co, La Roche Posay, Embryolisse, Frederic Fekkai, and Agraria have in common? Well, they’re just a few of the couple hundred luxury brands that make The New London Pharmacy in Chelsea oh so fabuloso. And for all you organic lovers, New London also has an organic pharmacy which comprises alternative health medicines, skincare and beauty products…so here’s the DL on why you should be clicking your high heels and your sophisticated buns out there.

Who you’ll find: aside from spotting models, make-up artists, and a few celebs fluttering about, this place attracts the discriminating customer with exquisite taste – ya know, the kind of Cheri who knows how to be a Knotty Girl with her Sacred Locks and be coy with Jack Black and Dr. Hauschka with her GoSmile – if you know what I mean (wink wink).

And check it, if any of you guys are reading this and just happen to be ‘too sexy for your shirt,’ I heard from a friendly bird (thanks for the tip, Wesley!) that ‘all of Chelsea’ sashays here on the weekends. (This is totally an aside, but I just needed to digress to help some of my boys out.)

Why you’ll like it here: Abby Fazio, co-owner of the New London Pharmacy, had this to say about her products: “I don’t want the universe. I want the best.” A pharmacist and beauty expert who travels to Europe six times a year, Abby visits pharmacies in Germany, Greece, London, and Paris to scout out the most exotic and advanced beauty and health products that are hard to find here. (I personally was jazzed about the fact she’s made available products like Vichy and Anthelios XL, which carry face lotions that contain Mexoryl, the most powerful and photo-stable sun blocker that has yet to be mass marketed in the U.S. – Whew! Was that a run-on sentence?)

The Bobble Head. The Open Mouth. The Broken Neck. Whether it’s on the subway or in that cozy cubicle at work, we’ve all been guilty of being one or more of these types of snoozers. Don’t you wish there was a little hideaway where you could take a mini-siesta and feel good about it? Well, pat me on the back cuz I found a place for you girls! Look no further because www.yelonyc.com has got ya covered!

Okay, Yelo is not a spa. It’s more like an urban retreat and wellness center where you’re encouraged to take a breather and get your ZZZ’s on. At Yelo, you can relax and energize all in a matter of minutes. But thankfully, you’re not going to find a million scary-looking contraptions that are supposed to help you wind down. Actually, Yelo provides you with just two simple services: reflexology and an ideal environment to nap peacefully.

Nicolas Ronco, founder and CEO of Yelo, LLC, came up with the concept after traveling extensively throughout the world as part of his corporate job. During multiple business trips to Asia, he observed that employers and employees who worked in stressful environments and kept long hours were a lot more effective when they consistently took quick recharging breaks during the day. He thought that this philosophy would work big time in the Big Apple. Ronco was right-o.

On view through April 29 at the Dahesh Museum (located at 580 Madison Avenue Btwn 56th and 57th) right now is one of the most popular exhibitions ever mounted by the midtown gallery, Napoleon on the Nile: Soldiers, Artists, and the Rediscovery of Egypt. The museum is also showing the film Napoleon’s Obsession: The Quest for Egypt. The 52 minute long film is a documentary that discusses the Little French Man’s dream of conquering Egypt and his defeat by the Ottoman Turks…and all that came out of that period. Show Times are 12:15pm on March 2, 7, 14, 21, 28 and 31 and 3:00pm on March 9, 16, 23 & 30.

If you’ve not had a chance to catch this satisfying exhibition, it’s worth the time to head over one afternoon. Also, enjoy their afternoon tea service at Cafe Opaline, and shop for interesting little objects at one of the best museum gift shops in Manhattan.

There are two phrases that should never be joined in a single sentence: “stagnant fluids” and “your face.” Andrea DeSimone of Suite Retreat uttered that unholy coupling while I was lying face-up on her massage table, her fingers goopy with some complexion-saving salve. I imagined a network of sludge deposits just beneath the surface of my skin and tried my best not to run for the nearest chemical peel. DeSimone, a former protégé of Jo Malone, explained that these stagnant fluids are to blame for my less-than-perfect skin, but that a little lymphatic drainage massage could get those liquids flowing like the Hudson – though hopefully minus the industrial pollutants.

DeSimone developed this technique after years of experimenting with her own skin. As a teenager, she struggled with cystic acne, and later developed eczema and allergies. The solution was not dermatologists and pharmaceuticals, but facials and lifestyle changes. Acne-free and even-toned, she now preaches her gospel to anyone looking for a facial upgrade, or at least a soothing touch.

Like any critical spa-goer, I’m a skeptical customer. I don’t buy into any floral-scented balm that crosses my path, nor any witch doctor wielding a mud masque. DeSimone, however, is the real thing. A week after my lymphatic massage, I’ve seen a remarkable improvement in my skin. Call it coincidence, call it placebo; all I know is that that I’ve laid off the concealer and claimed a little radiance. Stop by Suite Retreat to break the ice on your own stagnant fluids.

Andrea DeSimone at Suite Retreat
201-315-1327
124 East 40th Street, Suite 803
Between Lexington and Park
www.andreadesimonefacials.com

Aaaahh…Fashion Week. A time when Designers parade their newest visions down the runway and Editors fight for best placement on the sidelines – while celebrities (many of whom are paid to be there) smile for photo ops at ankle level, to demonstrate their ummm, “unwavering support.” With an average of four apple martinis a day, freebies like Rimmel Lycra mascaras, and a zillion opportunities to spot fashion week regulars like Patrick McDonald (who seemed to be everywhere, in very ‘John Malkovich’ fashion), what could there possibly be to gripe about?

Well…food, for one. You would think that if people under the billowy tents were drinking more than Nicole Richie before she ended up driving on the off ramp, someone would have considered a few tea sandwiches.

Then there are some of my media industry counterparts, to whom I would say only this: Honestly, this is supposed to be a fashionable event. No need to push, no need to shove and demand seats. We’re all going to get in, right? The room is not going to expand or contract…square footage is square footage. I find that very often, nothing turns a group of fashionable scribes into hungry lionesses waiting to be tossed a slab of beef faster than the idea that by shoving and elbowing their way through their colleagues they might get a grunt from a designer who is passing by in a flurry of preparation.

If climate change is going to melt our icebergs, flood our cities, and raise global temperatures, fashion designers Nico & Adrian are going to make sure that the young people of the brave and dangerous new world are at least going to dress sexy for it. On February 9, the duo introduced a new clothing line for Fashion Week with the concept of a futuristic “motorcycle gang.” As smoke machines filled the room with a smog-like haze, a clan of scantily-clad models crawled onto the catwalk. Bare-chested men and women were apparently fighting the oppressive heat in the age of global warming.

The designers certainly knew how to make a fashion statement, and this show also took a stand for animal rights. When asked to comment on his cruelty-free policy, designer Nico emphasized, “We’re using faux-fur.” This new line consisted of paint-spackled sweatshirts, loose fishnet tees, and sleek, slender dresses. For the designers, making bold, urban, playful, and ultramodern clothes was equally important to chiming in on timely political issues. Explaining his style, Nico elaborates, “We’re capturing the energy of the street, the energy of the raw, and the young generation.”

Appropriately enough, the designers enlisted the eco-conscious makeup company Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics to complete their vision. The line recently won the seal of approval from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) for avoiding all forms of laboratory testing, using hypoallergenic ingredients, and refraining from using any animal-derived products. In addition, the company employs a “truth in advertising” approach to its marketing, offering no gimmicks, false claims, or other hard-sell tactics in an industry that often exploits people’s insecurities. Who knew that having a social conscious could look this attractive?

You’d have known this was coming if you knew your pop music. The ladies have been belting this out to a synthesizer for decades: women love sex. They like to groove. They wanna get it on. Give a listen to the Divinyl’s “I Touch Myself,” or, more recently, Christina Aguilera’s “Drrty” (that’s right – with two R’s). Or Patti Labelle, who put it best when she queried, “voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” The female gender has been hot to trot ever since Salome let the pelvis do the talking.

Melinda Gallagher and Emily Scarlet Kramer of CAKE restate this bold thesis in their new book and do us one better: a how-to guide for making the most of your sultry side. The Hot Woman’s Handbook provides “insights, diagrams and erotic stories, providing the why-to alongside the how-to for today’s hot woman.” This isn’t your mother’s sex manual (perish the thought). This handbook goes there in a way that Cosmo never could. This Valentine’s Day, give yourself a gift that’s bound to bring a smile to your face. Your inner – or outer – vixen will thank you.

Available at most bookstores or directly from the publisher at Amazon.

Now think hard – has he been naughty or nice this year? While Valentine’s Day is often all about the ladies (holla!), it can be nice to show your guy some love on this most romantic of holidays. In case this thought just occurred to you (selfish, selfish), here are a few very last-minute gift ideas.

Jack Black’s Beard Lube is an innovative pre-shave oil, shave cream and facial skin treatment in one. The dermatologist-tested formula contains phospholipids – a rich source of essential fatty acids that are essential to the function of cell membranes – which bind moisture to the skin and support the natural skin barrier. The result is a clean, smooth, nick free shave.

Pair the Beard Lube with Jack Black’s Intense Therapy Lip Balm and remind him that you’d like him to remain eminently kissable all year long. Available at Sephora stores citywide or visit www.getjackblack.com.

The great thing about gifting men is that a gift for YOU, if positioned properly (ahem), can seem like a gift for him. Take, for example, the French Lesson Panty Set from Kiki de Montparnasse. Four pairs of luxurious silk-screened panties come emblazoned with some very naughty French phrases. Trust me when I say that the one shown here is the tamest of the bunch. The store also sells both more conservative trinkets (think silk ties) and raunchier ones (think 24k gold handcuffs).

Kiki De Montparnasse is located at 79 Greene Street, call 212-965-8150 for store hours. For online shopping, visit www.kikidm.com.

Mom always said that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? If that old adage rings true when thinking of your special guy, take him to a restaurant that specializes in guy friendly food and a relaxed atmosphere. We love R.U.B. (Righteous Urban Barbeque, that is) which serves up the best dry rub barbeque north of the Mason-Dixon line. The no-frills décor (we’re talking paper towels on the table) is sure to set him at ease, while the good grub will keep you both satisfied. Be sure to save room for the deep-fried Oreos!

R.U.B. is located at 208 West 23rd Street; call 212-524-4300 for restaurant hours.

When you and your sweetie are toasting eternal love over some Dom Perignon, what’s furry Fido doing? Surely (gasp) not sleeping at home?

If “Lady” in Lady & The Tramp had so much fun in a cartoon, we think your pet can get some lovin’ on this sweet day. Treat your furry companion to some of these edible offerings and let your pet celebrate in style:

Canine Styles (www.caninestyles.com) offers Birthday Cupcake biscuits with tiny sprinkles in a peanut-butter flavor. Fido will also love the neat little Fortune Cookies that come with special predictions inside.

Canine Styles is located in three New York areas: 830 Lexington Avenue, Ph: 212-838-2064 1195 Lexington, Ph: 212-472-9440 43 Greenwich Avenue, Ph: 212-352-8591