This month of March is all about delicious possibilities and new beginnings. And schizophrenia. The first hints of Spring’s sweet breath manifest joyfully in nature, an end to Winter’s icy reign in sight. O-wonderful day! And we all rejoice together. But in that typically diabolical tit-for-tat fashion, Old Man W. rears his icy head once again, curses! Rendering us femmes far more prone to random hissy fits, kicking tantrums and fainting bouts on the leopard-spotted chaise for the remainder of these winter blues. What can you do? But fear not the looney-bin, my melodramatic girlfriends, for help is on the way. Overflowing with luscious products from all over the globe, luxe online girly playground b-glowing.com is the primo way to soothe that battered psyche and restore balance to your vegetating chi. What better way to get your flowering juices flowing once again than shopping it up from the toasty confines of your own snug abode? Mayhaps with a mug o’toddy, hot off the flame? Ya know, to ease slowly back into action. Wouldn’t want to over exert ourselves! Chin up brave NYChicas, for we’re almost there - in this month of vernal promise, Spring most decidedly is in the air. And we all say together, amen.

	You are your own supreme soothsayer this month Aries, so shine that inner light and follow your own star. Be receptive to new beginnings and unexpected changes with an open heart. Venus smiles upon you and love is everywhere, so don’t forget to uncover that playful sense of self and inner kink that’s been slumbering all winter long. Experiment with Nuxe Teint Prodigieux, the next generation (“#1, engage” – apologies non-Trekkies!) in cutting edge, no-make-up-look, tinted moisture gels. Perfect for busy Aries on the go. Merveilleux! Made from natural ingredients like black tea and lotus flowers, it’s all tea-for-two and kama sutra infused goodness… randy, baby! This wonder gel is sure to quantum leap to the top of your Beauty List with its unique ability to awaken and stimulate the skin’s natural freshness for an organically luminous rosy glow. Plus featuring a combination of glossy pigments, shimmering with sheer joie de vivre for that ‘oh-who-me?’ ingénue glam you could just kill for. Go ahead, Aries, be the starlet that you really are, you know you love it!
	“I’m the one that I want, o-baby, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.” It’s all about you, Taurus, you’re money. Self-love is the name of the game this month. So quit that self-effacing moping with that long punim, and put your best foot forward! Become your own #1 priority. Go-team-go! Jumpstart your new all-me-24/7 regime and keep those spirits high by massaging your newly-elevated ego (and noggin) with Philip B’s Four Step Hair and Scalp Treatment Kit. Spring is a-coming and it’s due time to reassess your entire model of life and clean house! Rock the detox both inside and out by lavishing liberal amounts of that divine slather, Philip B’s Rejuvenating Oil, on your thirsting crown (assured to send tinglies down your spine!). And as though you didn’t already have enough to do, while you’re at it Taurus, use the laws of attraction to manifest some romance. With your wily voodoo ways, and a little help from PB’s Peppermint Avocado Shampoo, the pheromones and animal grunts unleashed by this intoxicating brew are undeniable. Complete the new you with Deep Conditioning Crème Rinse and Detangling Finishing Rinse, the flawless finish to our four-pronged, brain-stimulating, mind-bending (mental-masturbatory) portion of today’s program. Evermore lavish and love thyself, Taurus, with the natural high of Philip B’s complete treatment. Nuthin’ beats it!
	Oh the fickle ways of Gemini (compounded by the lunacy of the moon) seem to bite you in the ass every time. But never fear, cheeky Gemini, domestic changes could put you at a previously unforeseen strategic advantage over the fray. Take a chill pill, max and relax, and revel in your newly found ascendancy, you Queen-of-Sheba-you. Your mental time-out provides you the perfect excuse to re-work your entire ambrosial feng shui and seriously up your odoriferous game. Crazy Libellule’s & The Poppies Litchi Blossom perfume is five grams of solid twisty-heaven imported from gay Paris. A layered crescendo of litchi, geranium, rose and mint scents, oui-oui, this sweet olfactory treat is a true natural wonder, rare as a slow-handed lover. Mix-and-match perfumes allow multi-faced Gemini to create novel flavors of the month by blending all of Crazy Libellule's Shanghaijava Collection into unique nose masterpieces never before sniffed by human or canine schnoz, either here or over the pond. Get your Frency whiff on with a smidge of scent on the nape of your neck, in the crook of your knee. Be coquettish, be coy. And gallant Gemini, always remember to smell like a slice o’ heaven from your mama’s kitchen. That advice’ll do you well.
	To-my-dear-sweet-Cancer, you sensitive and conflicted soul: March is all about rising above inner doubts and fears to summon your old friend, internal strength. Manifest your own inner-cheerleader. Suck it up… ra-ra-ra, you can do eet! The avatar of Tony Robbins whispers vehemently in your ear: never give up, visualize, actualize, capitalize! Shake your moneymaking pompoms and stay hardcore about that new venture you’re pursuing. It may be turn out to be more lucrative than you ever imagined. You will thusly discover later in the month something to boost your inner confidence and make you a true believer in the Church Of You! And how better to bring that inner rapture out and on display than by schmearing some James Vincent’s Pretty Face Salve on your lovely mug for a strut down the boulevard. Known by Hollywood cortege to perfect world-famous faces with sheer color finish. Multiuse, glossy goodness adds just the right touch of brightness and polish, lighting up the skin, lips, cheeks and eyes to balance out the bluish March sunshine with instant energy and vibrancy. All the better to glaze you with, my succulent dear!
	Determination and inspiration rule the day for hard-working Leo in March. See, those crunches and celery stalks are paying off, I told you! With your motivation and creativity in overdrive, your career is sure to reap the beaucoup top-drawer benefits you love so much, you fancy-pants. Watch obstacles dissolve without a care and the true you shine through for all the world to see. Yes, it’s hard core look-at-me-time – work that stuff! Love and wanderlust come together in mid-month, so take some time off to go jet-setting with your honey, the perfect pre-Spring antidote to the Winter ho-hum’s. And be sure that your traveling soul, and dermis, don’t needlessly suffer the ill-effects of changing temperatures and time zones by salving on tons ‘o SKYN Iceland Oxygen Infusion Night Cream. Oh yah, O2 is in ‘da the house! This gentle emollient formula is infused with nature’s goodies and soothing bioactive essentials, to counteract that stressed-out, mile-high skin just thirsting for moisture and vitality… for reals. Oxygen fortifies and energizes, restoring skin to its optimal levels and baby-butt smoothness. And you know that tops off my mile-high list! That, and Ralph Fiennes… yum!
	Steadfast Virgo, do not distress, all is n ot lost on March’s relationship front! The Moon's eclipse early on could cast a meaningful relationship into a novel and luminous light. But before you go all howling up there and conjuring the town crier, remain low-key regarding crucial choices and new commitments until you have all your ducks in a row. As ever, the stability of your home life is essential, so step back, take stock and wield that earthen wand you’re so famous for. All is good in the hood! And with romance and travel on the horizon in mid-month, have your bikinis packed and ready to go for any last-minute tropical getaways. And to make their eyes bug-out big time on the balmy beach, be sure to put your best bust forward with Annemarie Borlind LL Regeneration Series Decollete Cream. Oh for the love of a beautiful breast, poets and saints have waxed. So smear on liberal amounts of this wondrous potion-lotion to moisturize, nourish and lavish your ladies. With 100% natural ingredients including: calendula, hops, horsetail, lady's mantle, lemon, mimosa wax, pine and St. John's wort, this regenerative cream is a surefire cocktail for the bounciest breast this side of Hollywood. And Bollywood.
	Lovely Libra, March is all about la revolución! ¡Viva la playa! Or something like that… Despite bad high school Spanish, you’re in the driver’s seat this month. So flip a bitch and head for the causeway. Ignore nagging doubts and take decisive action early on. Throw advice to the wind and dance to your own breakbeats! With your main squeeze Venus giving you extra insight into the squishy emotions and feelings of others, trust your own finely-honed intuition, which is dead-on, you psychic-friend-of-Mz.-Cleo-you. Take extra care to focus on strengthening existing friendships. And yes, I know it’s hard with your sensitivities and all, but try to bone up to your true feelings for a change. If you make the first move, it may just be that someone is waiting in the wings to be graced by your Libra-loveliness. All independence squawk and ballyhoo aside, there’s nothing wrong with getting behind a healthy trend or two, namely sunless tanning. And if you are incessant readers of bitchy online blogs, as I am (gofugyourself & Perez Hilton being my favs), then you’re all too familiar with that scary orange zombie look that fake tans often leave, even on the grandest damas. Fenix Sunless Tanning Lotion with Liquid Gold (that’s gold baby!) to the rescue! This particular tanning serum is not dye based, so it won’t turn your skin into molten sunshine like you-know-who from the Brit version of “The Office,” or those named after cities in France. Mildly scented and chock full ‘o edible-delectable ingredients like sesame, black walnut and jojoba, you’ll soon be sporting that beautiful golden brown tan for all to see. You’ll look so spectac, you may just bump some fledgling starlet off the red carpet of your own volition. But if I catch you licking the tanner off your forearm, you’re out as quickly as you’re in, flynn!
	Balls to the walls in March, crafty Scorpio, balls to the walls! Career and cash flow problems fade into twilight. Luck and tenacity combines in perfectly apportioned alchemical proportions (like size 8, open-toed, metallic Monolo’s) to concoct the impeccably balanced brew of energy and ambition you’ve been craving. You can achieve pretty much anything (within reason - don’t get too highfalutin!) between now and mid-May, so strap it on and go for it! You’re on fire, girl - a unique magnetic force, a planet swirling in your own orbit! So to celebrate and capitalize on your exceptional allure, dab on a hint of added magnetism with Yosh Omniscent .96, experts in the alchemical art of aromachology: i.e. the therapeutic properties of essential oils (allrightythen!). This impeccably balanced perfumy brew will have you inhaling your way into big time bliss. You’ll be all resonating and vibing out on all those positive Chakra energies rustled up around Planet-You. Pink pepper lends a flighty, ethereal quality, perfectly balanced out by spicy and robust tones. Wisps of gardenia, Egyptian tuberose, fig and Tunisian Opium (put that in your pipe and smoke it!) wow your well-honed senses and whirl you off into flights of fancy. Three, two, one and we have lift-off, Houston! Just don’t eat the brown acid or lick those Bart Simpson stamps (trust mama), if you know what’s good for you.
	It’s high time for some stability in your life, oh slippery Sagi, and the planets surely do agree. They fall right into lovely alignment at your bidding to create an environment ripe for commitment and achievement. These astral chiropractics help you to overcome a recent setback and get you back in line to achieve that lofty goal you have tucked away in the recess of your winding mind. Your desires are well within your little grasp, so it’s time to get a little grabby. Don’t miss out on this opportunity to shine! The cosmos cheer you on as you shed that natural reserve and buck-up to seek support from those closest to you. I know it’s hard, but you can do it. Ask and thee shall receive. Just a little scripted practice in the mirror is all. And work on those crocodile tears and blushing checks while you’re at it, should you need to pull those charms out of your bag o’ tricks. But in case you’re unable to muster that blushing-bride look in the bat of your eyelash extensions, you can cheat a bit with Too Faced Flushed Blush, which will leave you crimson and gushing in no-time flat. This twin set has brilliantly paired a silky matte shade, sardined-in next to a complementary soft shimmer in the same tone, to blend theatrically into a cohesive look of multi-layered grace. And if that doesn’t work, a little peppermint oil in the eyes will get those croc tears flowing, take it from the queen of all drama. Hey, we do what we gotta do, right ladies?
	Capricorn, you sweet candy corn of astral signs - there is optimism and good fortune in your March forecast. You’ll be able to read others’ intensions with crystal-ball-ease. Just be sure to wield those heightened psychic powers, thanks to our celestial friend Jupiter, with integrity and kindness (or you’ll be hearing from you know who). Ha! just kidding – use it to find out where he stashed the porn! And hey, if all else fails, you may have just intuited you way into a new career as a Gypsy Palm Reader on lower Broadway. Throw caution out with the bathwater (but don’t kick the baby!) and accept that sometimes smooth sailing is indeed exactly what is appears to be. Looks are not always deceiving… except when it comes to trannies and dragqueens. But hey, we’re all savvy to that rap by now, right, Eddie Murphy? Sunset Boulevard rap sheets aside, smooth sailing is precisely what you’ll do into mighty Spring with the aid of Naturopatch Eucalyptus, a healing swatch specially formulated to smooth over those rough patches that often accompany seasonal changes (eh-hem-hack-cough). It pampers and protects the head, nose and throat in an infusion-cocoon of camphor, peppermint and lemongrass. Nature’s said goodies play well together to intensify eucalyptus’ purifying effects at combating coughs and colds, while promoting vigor and vitality. Fuck Viagra, dudes (and ladies?), you’ve got the patch! Decongest in homeopathic style with this gratifying-satisfying aromatherapy blend of essential oils. Are essential oils not all the rage this season?! To the top of the essential Shopping List they go! See, summer isn’t the only time of year to get all oiled up and breathe easy. Just slap it on and inhale! Except if you’re Bubba, then don’t inhale – you don’t want that to come back and bite your arse, now do you?!
	Flip the page, turn over a new leaf, stick a fork in ‘em, leave bygones in the past. Or any number of other trite proverbs essentially telling you to get over it and move on, Aquarius! This is the age of… well, you know. It’s time to forgive and forget (couldn’t resist one more clichéd bone). A smidge of coffee-tawk in early March may just revolutionize your perception of, shall we say, ‘issues’ and alleviate past miscommunications (or whatever catch-all-phrase he used as an excuse). Love and relationships tend toward stability (hoorah!). Translation: girl, you got it good! So stick to your guns and others will likely be persuaded by your cagy ways. And for Pauline’s sake, don’t be so damn afraid of commitment! Unless it includes being committed to a place with either ‘Malibu’ or ‘promises’ in the name. In that case, run away! Forge ahead into zexi Spring with Pink Fatale Petite Roll-On Perfume tip-top on the brain membrane. It’s the just the thing to make a lasting commitment to. (Since it’s not yet legal to ‘marry’ perfume, we’ll just call it a ‘ceremony’ and leave it at that. Unless you move to the UK. Anyhoo…) Pink Fatale is the ideal black-tie date for a multitude of reasons: doesn’t talk back, always takes your side, and smells o-so femmy and soft. You’ll want to mix in some Slivovitz and shoot it all back with those pink grapefruit, juicy mandarin, arum lilies and cashmere whiffs wafting past your prone nostrils. Each bottle is a beautiful keepsake, married to its own matching decorative cylinder for cool carrying in your ultra-large purse-that-should-really-be-called-a-suitcase, but thanks to Rachel Zoe, it’s just a purse. But hey, that’s fashion, baby. Love it or leave it (OK, last cliché, I mean it this time).
	If you have something to say this month, Pisces, don’t hold back - shout it out! Discard outdated fears (along with those J Lo jeans) and situations that no longer suit the new, express-yourself-baby-ready-or-not you. And if you start to feel a bit ganged up on, you’re not totally insane (or alternately, you are). You’re just suffering the acute symptoms of a twin eclipse. O the horror! The sun and moon have double-teamed you, but worry not my lovelies, this will trigger important changes in your private life. And change is… yes, good. Especially when it comes to the boudoir. Cut loose and enjoy the freedom that is yours for the taking. Or alternately, tie him down and restrict his freedom, of course in the most loving and respectful way. And in light of all this shouting, speechifying, soft bondage and wild gesticulating, you’d better rub in some Nuxe Rêve de Miel lips (honey lip salve) post haste to keep those kissers moist and at the ready with juicy, newsworthy quips. This highly concentrated balm soothes, repairs and nourishes those flapping things on your face formerly known as lips, but currently more closely resembling Saltines. Not pretty. This balmy balm even protects against unfortunate environmental(ists) (no, I jest) elements, the usual suspects of Winter: sun, wind and cold. With a lovely hint of SPF to boot. And just a smidge of tint… for those times you just crave to taste the world through rose-tinted lips. Much more environmental than chomping the head off an innocent flower, you anti-floralist! So make nice, make love and go forth and kiss! O yes, mistress, sweet mercy!