• What’s so great about September? OMG, so many things… the grandeur of summer still fresh on our minds as stifling heat gratefully retreats from our living nightmares. September is gorgeous layered fancy-silky scarves, funky-colored tights (remember those, my trippy friend?) and sophisticated little jackets; unfolding from leather seats after a splendid meal without stressing the <... >

  • August is the epicenter of summer, the real show of strength, the race to the finish. Truly and sincerely, my sisters-in-sweat, we’re in for a rough patch coming up – and it won’t be no Country Time lemonade children leaping through starry prairie fantasies, no one-horned horses roaming free ranges with fairy-dust sifting from glistening <... >

  • July rolls in like warmed-over gin ‘n juice, sweltering, melting and looking generally wilted, disheveled and overhung (from all those Indie Day cool brews). Scorching summer burns rubber across my mosquito-bitten ass, leaving tread-marks as profound as Debra Opri’s frown lines (not attractive, people). I’m just saying…let’s separate fact from fiction: July in the red-hot <... >

  • June is quite easily the dopest month of them all, wouldn’t you agree? Such the anticipated season, such glamorous weather – shorter hours, longer siestas, lunchtime snoozing at the base of an old oak, darkest of the dark shades strapped on, sand ‘neath my feet, hot pink pedis, freshly glowing towheaded coifs – one (or <... >

  • I’m not one to go in much for ‘perfection.’ Nor am I much of a fetishist. But were I ever to ever put a month up on a pedestal, titillate it with a little slap ‘n tickle and a lick of toe worship, May would be my muse, hand’s down. May is a sexy freakin’ <... >

  • A Love Letter to Spring: (chanting) Ole, ole, ole-oli, it’s Spring outside! We usher in April with uproarious applause (golf-claps) and much anticipated fanfare (tu-tu-tu-tooot!). It’s about time – buggery bollox! Where have you been? I was just about to give up and head south! Thank heavens the season of my contentment has seen fit <... >

  • This month of March is all about delicious possibilities and new beginnings. And schizophrenia. The first hints of Spring’s sweet breath manifest joyfully in nature, an end to Winter’s icy reign in sight. O-wonderful day! And we all rejoice together. But in that typically diabolical tit-for-tat fashion, Old Man W. rears his icy head once <... >

  • They walk you home, install shelving units, buy you beers, and support your love of fried food. And they ain’t too bad to look at neither (well, some of them). Ladies, rather than soaking up all that Valentines-related affection, let’s give it up for the male gender. Whether you’re spending the 14th wrapped in a <... >

  • New year, new you, eh? Girl, please. I think we both know how that goes. Remember last year? You started out well enough – filing your receipts, hitting the elliptical, volunteering at the local animal shelter. Then came February, and with it, doom. You started charging your lattes and trading workouts for sit-ins. By the <... >

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