City Pulse

By Simone Carlene Porter

So you’re single. Single as a slice of cheese and you love cheese… just not enough to want to be cheese. You’ll be rolling your eyes every time some chick gets flowers delivered to her cubicle, planning your verbal attack on the “friend” who isn’t making enough of an effort to take this “thing” to the next level and in many cases, you’ll be missing the creep you spent last Vday with. Unroll those eyes, put your spear down and loosen your grip on the Kleenex box. Here are ten reasons to happily dance along to Single Ladies on the 14th. Hip hugging bodysuit and all.

1. They might as well call it Hallmark Mind Control. You know those epic-length diatribes about Valentines Day being a conspiracy? Well, you don’t have to listen to them. Unless you want to…

2. No mysterious chocolate fillings. Because Licorice-Lime-Ginger-Berry-Nougat-Nut is so not your thing, never was.

3. Wearing your hair bonnet, Homer Simpson slippers and flannel pajamas with the rubber duckie print won’t garnish any complaints.

4. Not having to put out before bed. You can keep your love locked down.

5. You won’t be whining on the 15th about how your Prince reverted back to his beastly ways once the blissful love day experience ended.

6. Being able to appreciate family love. Send your mom or sister a bouquet of organic roses.

7. Curling up with all of your favorite men via DVD. Make sure you have the right pillows and snacks. If you’re thinking of doing the ice cream thing, I suggest Skinny Cow Low Fat Ice Cream Bars in French Vanilla. They don’t taste like air.

8. Treat your pet like royalty. Give Gordon the Goldfish some extra food or buy him a new prop for his tank. Let Sunshine a la Mode sleep in your bed. Feed the scary pigeons in central park on your way to work.

9. Being able to paint the town red with your girls. Get a brand spankin’ new outfit and shake it like a polaroid picture! I don’t recommend drinking too much and bringing any strange men home, though. You’ll wake up the next morning dazed, confused and regretful. He’ll be asking where the relationship between you two is headed and you’ll be throwing your Homer Simpson slippers at him.

10. Last but not least, you are beautiful all by yourself. The only thing you need to compliment you is a dose of something sweet smelling and new. Try a fruity conditioner or bath soap made with real sugar. Feel pretty, because you are. And who knows? Maybe next Vday you won’t even need to read this.

Happy Valentines Day chicas!

Originally published February 2009
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