City Pulse

By Razi Schwartz

Hear ye, Hear ye! There is a new development in teeth whitening products, and guess what?…oh, you guessed it, I am proudly patting myself on the shoulders for being the bearer of good news. Nah, I’m just kidding, I wish I could take credit for this. I know you probably have eight million partially used whitening products lying around your bathroom (or in my case, my kitchen — I don’t know, it’s weird, but I brush my teeth in the kitchen). How many of them have you actually found that work? If I had to take a wild guess, probably not that many. Maybe you read about the answer to those wine stains in a magazine, or your girlfriend told you about the be-all end-all for eliminating every tooth-ular trace that you smoke the occasional cigarette. Clearly, the world was bullshitting you because your teeth still look like they bathed in a tobacco/merlot/coffee melange of good times.

If you weren’t aware, GoSmile products are about the only at-home products (from those we’ve tested) that make a real difference. I don’t know what it is, technically – maybe a combination of the white cranberry powder, naturally derived hydrated silica, and sodium something-whosawhatsis — but whatever it is that shit works, and I can say that from personal experience. I use the am toothpaste, the pm toothpaste, and if they had a midday toothpaste I’d probably use that as well. You’d never know all the horrible things I do to my enamel…ha ha ha…I finally have a dirty little secret!

Anyhow, just when I thought that GoSmile couldn’t make me smile any more…oh, they have. This month the GoSmile family is packaging its morning rush am mini toothpaste in a candy-colored pink tube with the oh-so-signature pink ribbon tattooed right on the front. For a limited time (as long as the little pink lovelies last), GoSmile will donate 100% of the profits from the sale of these pink tubes to several breast cancer charities including EIF’s Women’s Cancer Reasearch Fund and The Susan G. Komen Foundation. Just in case you don’t read numbers, that’s ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of the profits. If that’s not good-doing, I have no f-ing clue what is.

The tiny 1oz tube is tres portable, so you can take it with you everywhere you go. And it tastes fabu also – lemon, lime, orange, and mandarin essential oils topped off with some peppermint. Is this toothpaste or the next cosmo? Of course, it also whitens your pearly yellows – I wish everything in life was this easy, effective, and well, awesomeness times five.

No, you don’t have to go out of your way to find my new favorite product…I know you’re going to be at Saks, Nordstrom, and Sephora anyway – and don’t even lie about it, cause I saw you there, like, yesterday. Or pick up this and other GoSmile goodies online at And it’s only $5.00 – so buy a lot of them. Get whiter teeth and make your contribution to the fight against breast cancer. That should definitely give you something to smile about.

Originally published September 2005
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