City Pulse

By Samantha Eichenberg

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Q:

I have a male guest with boyfriend potential coming to stay one night with me in NYC this weekend. He’s a friend of my parents’ neighbors out west and we met and went out 2x over the holidays. Long story short, should I have the guest room ready when he arrives this Friday so there’s no expectations?

Alison

A:

You know I went through this same exact situation except I was the guest visiting, but the questions crossed my mind of “Where should I sleep”, “Should I suggest to sleep in the same room” “Should I just assume sleep on the couch” It was absolutely crazy and drove me nuts and in hope that I would be sleeping in his bed I actually went out and bought cute sexy PJ’s.

You say this guy has boyfriend potential right? So if he comes into town and you immediately throw him into a guest room that could throw all the signals off track and he may think that you’re not interested at all, and you wouldn’t want that. Lets look at this from another approach.

The first question is would you want to share a room with him? Right off the bat if the thought of sleeping in the same bed as him makes you uncomfortable then you have your answer right there, but if you think differently and want to share your bed then take this approach…

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I am sure the same questions are running through his head or he just assumes he is going to get some cuddle time with you. But unfortunately you will never know so you have to go about it in your own way.

Wait until he gets there and give him the option. I am sure he will ask “So where should I put my things” You can reply in a way so that he knows there is an open invitation to your bed such as “Well I am comfortable if you would like to share my bed with me, but its up to you, but if not then I would be happy to make up the guest room for you”. This will get him thinking and then he will make the call and that will let you know what thoughts are running through his head. When I went to visit my “Manfriend” at the time I pulled that same stunt knowing that all I wanted to do was cuddle up with him in his bed to see where the night went. This was the conversation:

Sam: So where am I going to be sleeping this week?
Ben: Well…I guess wherever you are comfortable, where would you like to sleep?
Sam: It doesn’t matter (though it did) I will be comfortable anywhere, I don’t mind sharing a bed. (I tend to be rather blunt)
Ben: Good, that’s what I was thinking.

Though the relationship didn’t work out we had a really great week.

Just remember though…just because you sleep in the same bed doesn’t mean that you are required to get down and dirty. That part is totally up to you but sometimes its nice just to have someone to curl up next too.

This is how I would go about this situation. Don’t make it out to be a big deal and stress yourself out. In a situation like this its hard to have expectations, in fact I think its quite unavoidable. Though it will be nerve wracking until the day he gets there I am sure everything will work out the way its supposed to be! I am sure you guys are going to have a great night!

Get more dating tips from Samantha here. This month’s topic: “Ex-Sex!

Originally published March 2008
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