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By Razi Schwartz

In honor of Tuesday being el day-o de Valentine-o, I’m doing a round-up-o of all things having to do with love. Ok, well, not all things having to do with love…like, three things having to do with love. It’s not that I like shafting love or anything, but…I’ve got my own loving to do, and cannot be typing all day my friends.

My hair looks great, and my ass looks fab – but … what is he going to buy me???
Ah, the eternal question – you’ve gone through hours, weeks, months of trouble preparing for the big day in February – really, what else is going on in Feb? – and you want to know what kind of trouble he went through for you. Damnit, I agree. I mean, how many times must we get plucked, prodded, waxed, weaved, whatever to make ourselves look like the hottie pottaties we are and what do we get? NADA. Well, on this day, we do…and I say let’s put in a request this year for what we want. What do we want?!?!?!?

Wow, it’s like you read my mind. Of course we want Valentine’s Day luxury gifts from Penhaligon’s! You’re a bloody genius, it’s as if I thought of it myself. You know what three words I love hearing together? Love Luxe Leather. Mmmmmm. And it so happens that Penhaligon’s has a Love Luxe Leather collection for Valentine’s – think leather heart keychains for $35, or leather envelope keychains that holds photos of your loved ones for $45? Well, loved one. Well, I don’t want to discriminate – maybe you’re just filled with so much love you can’t choose! Want something bigger than a keyring photo envelope? Get one of the big envelopes for $99 – a gal can never have enough envelopes or leather, so it works out perfectly. If you want something a little more…intoxicating…go for their Ladies LP No. 9 – a scent to drool over. It’s available in 50 ml for $65 and 100 ml for $85 bottles.

All in all, your hubby/boytoy/I’m not sure what we are has no excuse not to get you something from Penhaligon’s. It’s classic, it’s delicious, it’s – IT’S NECESSARY AFTER ALL THAT DAMN WAXING.

Penhaligon’s
870 Madison Ave.
212.249.1771

Valentine’s Day is all about the NC-17 rating, baby…
So let me guess – you’ve already spent your total January’s pay on some skimpy, X-Rated outfit for Tuesday nights romp fest? Where’d you do the damage? La Perla? Oooh, sassier? Fredericks? Ok, well, keep your secret to yourself, but…YOU CAN’T FOOL ME. Whether your ensemble is red, pink, orange, leopard – whatever – I ask you this: What are you supposed to drink with that little garter belt, hoisting, lacy number?

“Why, ERIKA, that’s a good question.” Thanks, I know I’m always full of titillating questions and arousing answers – heh heh – and there is no exception here. X-RatedàƒÆ’à‚¢àƒ¢à¢â€š¬à…¾àƒâ€šà‚¢ Fusion Liqueur is launching in New York (and LA for all you bicoastalites) just in time for the naughty festivities on Feb. 14th.

What makes this drink so X-Rated? Well, it would have to be the fusion of premium French vodka, Provence blood oranges, mango juice, and passion fruit juice. Nothing about those ingredients says “granny panties” right? Right. In fact, even though the taste of the drink is ultimately delectable, it looks sexy too, served in a tall frosted bottle – kind of like that lingerie that alludes to being buck-ass naked without really showing all your bits and pieces.

So, on Tues, heat up the night with an X-Rated Royal (i.e. throw a little Cristal in there), an X-Rated cosmo, and X-Rated martini – jeez, really, whatever you want to be X-Rated can be X-Rated! God bless America.

www.xratedfusionliqueur.com

Locks and Locks of Love
A big big big announcement if you’re thinking of getting a haircut. I have this sixth sense that lots of the ladies get haircuts around this time of year – either to jazz themselves up for big nights or to say a final “#$I#Y$@#@” to the lover who did them wrong when the rest of the world seems to be in the perfect relationship with their perfect boyfriends. Screw Hallmark.

So, if you’re thinking of chopping your gorgeous locks off in honor of V-Day, I have the perfect place/time/date for you. On Saturday, February 12th from 12-6pm, The Antonio Prieto Salon is hosting a party in honor of Locks of Love, a non-profit that provides hair pieces to financially disadvantaged children suffering from long-term medical hair loss, and chopping off your hair for free. Well, free of cost, but not free in terms of heart – your hair, six inches or more of chemically unprocessed goodness, will be donated to the organization. Your hair will go to make wigs for the kids – no, not those purple, pink, and yellow wigs you see those kids wearing on St. Marks Place – we’re talking wigs that will help kids feel more like themselves when they’re living their day-to-day life.

And, not to mention that shorter hair is super drop it like it’s hot right now, ladies – all the young gals in Hollywood are doing it, which according to social norms means we should, too.

The Antonio Prieto Salon is located at 127 W. 20th Street between 6th and 7th.

The sound of that is jazz to my ears
By Razi Schwartz

So, now you’ve got the look, you’ve got the booze, you’ve got a gift, but…what in the heck are you going to do? That’s right. I said it – everything is all la-di-da and romantic until it’s 9:15pm and you’re looking at your honey bunny going, “uh, now what?”

Well, I’ll tell you what. Head uptown (or downtown depending on where you live) to Symphony Space for “An Evening of Love and Jazz.” Best & Brightest are presenting this evening to you, on a silver platter, and frankly that’s where it deserves to go because it’s that tres fab. And it starts at 8pm, so…you can pull out the negligee and still have time to enjoy it before you and the old man get sleepy.

The Arntzens and The Eliots – two legendary names in Jazz fabulosity, are bringing their families together on this night to perform, together, for you, on Valentine’s Day. I hate to sound like a saleslady, but…this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that you seriously probably don’t want to miss.

What, what is this I hear about you not being 100% familiar with who I am talking about? That’s cool, I’ll forgive you, maybe, if you buy me some of that X-Rated liquor. You’ll be viewing the jazz genius of Al Drears, who has known and played with John Coltrane and Dizzy Gillespie, and the vocal make-me-drooledness of Marjorie Eliot and her sextet. Oh, and you won’t want to miss seeing the prodigy Miles Arntzen – the 14-year-old prodigy, who will be famous before you actually buy your tickets. Whoops, you weren’t quick enough, he’s famous already and you’ll never get to see him again because tickets are sold out through the next decade.

Buy the tickets at www.symphonyspace.org. And, a little birdie told me that if you type in the code EVENTME, you’ll get 25% off. Front orchestra seats are already sold out, so…HURRY BEFORE EVERYTHING ELSE SELLS OUT, TOO. I told you this was a hot ticket.

Kissing: The Book

Andrea Demirijian has put together a clever and creative compilation of Kissing. From tips and etiquette on kissing to nostalgic flashbacks of famous kisses, quotes about kisses, Q&A with men about kissing, and even a kissing survey.

Kissing: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About One Of Life’s Sweetest Pleasures is a fun, interactive book that could make for some interesting entertainment a deux! www.kissingbook.com

Originally published February 2006
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