By Deepa Arora Das
At one point or another, almost every woman wonders if she can be friends with an ex. Some of us have had such a long and extensive dating career that this question may have come up more then once. I have done both, tried being friends with an ex and cutting him out of my life completely and quickly. Through both experiences I have come up with my own answer to the question – No.
No, ex boyfriends are ex boyfriends and friends are friends. Yes, a friend can become an ex boyfriend, but why would you want to put yourself through the drama of having an ex boyfriend as a friend, especially if you are in a relationship or married. It is 99.9% of the time just not worth what it would take for it to maybe actually be a successful friendship. Why go through that effort and energy when you could spend that time looking for a new boyfriend or concentrating on your current one?
Some of the reasons most women come up with are below…with my response.
-But he is a really nice guy and he makes me feel really good.
I am sure he is a nice guy and does make you feel good, but that is not enough to make a real relationship or friendship work. And it’s going to be a lot harder to move on to the next guy if any part of you is being held back by an ex (and if you are really honest with yourself, if you do have a strong desire to hold on to the friendship, you are probably holding on to something else too).
-But we have a great time with each other.
Yes, and you probably have tons of other friends that you have a great time with that come with a lot less baggage.
-But we are just friends.
REALLY? So you don’t mind setting him up with your gorgeous friend that is super funny and smart? Or double dating so he can meet your husband?
-But I miss having him in my life.
Yes, that is what can happen when you break up with someone. But you did break up and why risk even the small possibility of this old relationship getting in the way of a new or current one. It is just not worth the possible damage, to yourself or anyone else.
-But we were so good together.
Yes, you were, but now you are broken up. So something wasn’t that good.
These days it is so easy to come across an ex. Long are the times where you would just delete his number and avoid his gym, friends, and neighborhood. Now you can easily stumble upon him on Facebook-the ultimate spot to open up the biggest can of worms imaginable. Such situations are explored in the book With Just One Click… by Amanda Strong. The characters in this book innocently accept an ex as a friend and soon after end up dealing with the consequences. After reading this book and this article ask your self again, and be honest, is it really worth it to be friends with an ex?
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