Dating

By Deepa Arora Das

There is usually one big difference between a girl who is having fun dating and girl who is miserable dating (the miserable girl is also usually waiting by the phone for ‘him’ to call). The one big difference between these two girls is one of my fundamental dating tips: date more than one guy at a time.

Now let me clarify what this means. First and most important, dating more than one guy does NOT mean sleeping with more than one guy or even one guy at all. Secondly, dating more than one guy works when you are still getting to know the guys you are dating. It only works at the early stages of a relationship. The reason it is ok and even suggested to date several men when you are looking for your Mr. Right is because technically you don’t owe these men any exclusivity as you are getting to know them. And YES, this is true for them as well. Men don’t owe you anything either. So you are better off going out and meeting as many men as you can to get to know and decide which one is the perfect match for you. Be careful to not get a big head around this tip. It’s not about game playing, cheating, or sneaking around, it’s about being realistic and keeping your options open until you know and are ready to commit to one man.

This is not something I would necessarily “advertise” when you are out on a date, but if asked by a man if you are seeing other people a polite and honest response could be “Yes I am. I want to be in a serious relationship so I am getting to know a few men. If I feel a real connection with one I have no problem only seeing that guy and deepening that relationship.” Short, sweet, and honest.

What’s great about this response is that you are not narrowing down your options and you aren’t telling him what to do either (men hate that). Also the best part is you are letting him know that you are serious, so if he is too, he needs to let you know and if he is not, he will leave on his own…making your search actually easier.

Dating this way allows you to be confident and feel in control of the men you let into your social life. It becomes more about you and what you want and less about the man and the game. When I met my husband I was dating four other men (dating = going out for dinner and getting to know the person). Because I was being pursued by four men, if one was no longer interested and stopped calling, I didn’t find myself as crushed or miserably waiting by the phone for him to call. I was able to date with grace and clarity. It was easy for me to see by comparing the four men which qualities I really liked, who did I have fun with, who made me laugh the most, and where was there a real connection. I fell for my husband because of who he was and how he made me feel, not because I was lonely or settling for who was there. It was kind of like my own personal “Bachelor” episode. I would go out with the four men and then decide who I would give a rose too-it made dating fun and exciting! And when I knew that my husband was by far the best match for me out of the four, I ended my relationships with the other three and concentrated all my attention on building a relationship with my husband.

This may be a new concept to you, dating more than one guy, but try it out. It may come easier to you than you think.

Originally published December 2011
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