Dating

By Hannah Joseph

Dear Hannah,

The man I’ve been dating for a month asked me to be his girlfriend last week, but I’m not sure whether I should or not. I have an intense attraction to him and we get along great, but I can’t help but notice little things, here and there. By “little things’ I mostly mean hair clips, lip balm, the occasional jewelry strewn about his apartment. Oh, the empty box of condoms in his trashcan was also a nice touch. When I casually confronted him about the items, he said that his friend left them when she “crashed” there. And the box of condoms? It was left over when he combined two packages. Only later did I realize that there was one missing. I don’t want to be his girlfriend, necessarily, but I feel like I might be more inclined to if I felt I could trust him. Even if he was seeing other people and was upfront about it, I would feel better about the situation. Right now I’m just in limbo.

Lisa * 27

Dear Lisa,

Did you say that you don’t ‘necessarily’ want to be his girlfriend? You wouldn’t mind if he was seeing other women? Before you start worrying about trust, take some time to decide if your feelings for him are strong enough to warrant a monogamous relationship. While jealousy can certainly be detrimental to relationships, it can also be a healthy indicator of invested emotions. If you harbor no jealousy at all, I think you have your solution. Maybe you’re just not that into him. Sort out your feelings first, then choose a course of action.

If you decide that you would rather remain friends with benefits, wear a condom every single time you have sex. I cannot stress this enough. Intimate partnerships that include three or more persons leave all parties involved vulnerable to infection. I’ve done the research and the statistics aren’t pretty: up to 26 percent of New Yorkers have herpes. There are at least 80 different types of HPV and about one in 25 men living in Manhattan are infected with HIV. That is just to name a few scary facts.

If you realize that you are ready to commit yourself to the relationship, consider the facts. He’s admitted that his female friend sleeps in his bedroom and you have discovered enough items to know that it isn’t a once-in-a-blue-moon deal. Ask yourself the following questions. Are you comfortable with the idea of a platonic coed sleepover? Is it as platonic as he says? Why do his actions say about his own commitment to the relationship? And where did the last condom go? You are the only person who can gage how much you can trust him, so if you feel like you don’t have enough information to make a decision just yet, give it some time until you do. If he truly wants to be your boyfriend, he will wait.

All the best,

Hannah

* Name has been changed to ensure anonymity.

Originally published April 2009
Leave a Comment
Become a BN NYC Subscriber


BN Shop

Beautyscopes


Currently Popular

Deal of the Day


Social Media


Latest News
  • Get Arty in Paris this April
  • Koons, Bowie, Velazquez. Catch the best of them all in Paris this month or go jump…horse jumping in the Grand Palais!

  • Vin Luxe wine aerator
  • Metro Home – Class Up Your Wine Time
  • Whether you’ve devoted half of your basement to a sommelier’s dream cellar or cleared out a cupboard above your fridge to house the odd bottle of Two Buck Chuck, you deserve to feel a little bit fancy when it’s time for a glass of wine. Here are a few affordable, user friendly products that will have your feeling <... >

  • Stadler Form heater-fan
  • Metro Home – A Breath of Fresh Air
  • After a long, crazy (for most of us … whoo) winter, spring is finally peeking around the corner. It’s dying to jump right in and give us some much-needed sandal weather, but winter isn’t quite through with us yet! While the seasons battle for control of our climate, here are a few great products to <... >



BN NYC Podcasts
  • self_tanning_featured
  • Self Tanning – Tips and Tricks
  • Our resident Beauty News NYC videographer, Haley Thompson, tackles self-tanning for bronze beauties this summer. Tune in to in to this latest How To primer for tips and tricks to dazzle like the sun.





Visit Fashion Industry Network