By Amanda Lerner
The first time I tried to quit sugar was in the fourth grade after my best friend called me thunder-thighs. I ran into the bathroom to hide my tears and swore off sugar for good. From that moment on, I’d refuse sweet offerings by announcing I’m allergic to sugar. “Allergic to sugar?” They’d probe in unison. “Yes,” I’d reply, “It makes me fat and miserable.” After 4 weeks clean, I accepted ONE chocolate kiss and it was off to the races again.
Here I am, 25 years later, sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’ve unlocked my diary and opened my heart because I need help. I need your help. You never know…maybe we can all heal together?
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 10
“Once a Chocoholic, always a Chocoholic”
Fell off the wagon again. Can’t explain what happened. Had a good week. Practiced yoga, abstained from office gossip, even improvised with quinoa.
At 4pm, I popped a mini Peppermint Patty into my mouth. It was all over in 30 seconds. I held my breath and headed straight to Juice King. Suddenly my thoughts turned to Jelly bellies. Could I do a handful and stop? Could I celebrate each Individual Flavor? Absolutely, I resolved. They’re fat-free for god’s sake and a buck’s worth would last the ride home.
I walked into the Nut Shop determined as hell. I heard myself ask for jellybeans but walked out with a half-pound of coconut clusters, caramels and peanut butter cups.
What’s beneath it all? My life is amazing. I have it all (a gig, a babe and a pad) yet I still feel gloomy and depressed. Help!
Calories: lost count. Totally Fat: yes. Time: It’s 2:30pm. Have you seen my thighs lately?
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11
“Please refer to Friday, February 10”
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 13
“from Double-Stuffed to Doubled-Over”
One time in college, I ended up eating 12 Double Stuffed Oreos in one sitting. I carefully removed middles from cookies, ate the cookies and stacked the middles until I created a monster. I ate the entire thing like it was corn-on-the-cob and entered into Sugar Coma.
Next morning, I hit rock bottom when I was rushed to the infirmary doubled-over and screaming bloody murder. Every doctor and nurse rushed out to rescue me. I was certain I was going to die. Turns out I had a colossal case of gas. Had been eating nothing but salad and candy for weeks and the cookies put me over the edge. Diagnosis given? Must take massive dump. (Which I did after a few laxatives and lived humiliated-ever after.)
Did I mention I went to acting school? I’ve always been a Drama Queen.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16
“That’s not a zit.” (Amanda draws attention to her nose.) “now THAT’S a zit!”
– Crocodile Dundee-ish
Friggin’ acne disaster. Woke up with monstrosity above my right nostril. NOT cute. Had lunch with big brother. Got the usual abuse. “I see you’re growing a second nose.” Thank you, Adam. As if I hadn’t noticed.
Work was absolutely torturous. Couldn’t wait to get home for glorious squeezing session. I know, I know, I’m absolutely disgusting but I just can’t help myself.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 17
“It was very moving”
Don’t ask why, okay. I KNOW- It’s- I’m crazy- YES, I remember the summer I tried to conquer Tasti-Delite- but it just didn’t register in the moment. Let me speak. BF wanted some ice cream so we went to the Nut Shop. Without hesitation, a perfectly-planned-piece of sugar free dark chocolate turned into the Mother Lode. What was I thinking?
With a belly full of aspartame, I awaited certain death. Suddenly…nothing happened. Discovered a loophole! BF wanted to celebrate being saved from the Wrath of a Sugar Crashing Girlfriend. As the appetizers arrived, abnormal rumblings sounded in my belly and I knew something was terribly wrong. Nausea made me sweat and shiver. Tension was building and I needed to get home.
While walking down the street, it came – an explosion that propelled me down 14thStreet. “Remember the Batmobile?”
I never said this was going to be pretty.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 19
The Yeasty Boys
“Rx: needs more culture”
Why do I keep getting yeast infections? Is it connected to this whole sugar thing? Someone mentioned Candidiasis? Candy-wha? Feel like a sausage that’s outgrown its casing. Concentrating has become an extreme sport. To top it off, I’m feeling uncomfortable down there…a bit itchy – Oh no, not AGAIN? Crestfallen, I call my Gyno for a prescription. Third time since the New Year.
Ate chunk of chocolate. Felt somewhat blissful. 10 minutes later, snapped at BF for no apparent reason. Finished the bar to ease my guilt. By the end of the night I was mysteriously crying. And to think PMS was a week away…
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 21
The Doctor is In
“Do you Guru?”
This may come as a surprise but I’ve decided I need to Detox. Did a ton of research on colonics, raw foods, fasting, cleansing – the possibilities are limitless – and less than appealing. Want program that’s gentle, convenient, natural, profound, integrative and transforming. (They don’t call me Demanda for nothing.)
Listen to a testimonial from the Great Jones Spa’s website. “Dr. Salzarulo has a stubborn determination to dig down to the roots of suffering and address the underlying issues that not only create disease, but limit creativity and joy in life.”
Wow, I think this could be IT. His program includes homeopathy, natural supplements, nutritional health counseling, cleanses and so forth. After a quarter century of failed solutions, I feel a strange glimmer of hope.
Be right back. I HAVE to tell the doctor my story…
Omigod! He said he was inspired by my tenacity and moved by my personal mission.
Better yet, he wants to do it.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Tune in next month as Dr. Salzarulo and I join forces on the rocky road to recovery in Diary of a Sugar Addict (Part II of III).
Mmm, Rocky Road…ugh, I have to stop!
Dr. Anthony Salzarulo has a rare gift for gentle, compassionate care and a remarkable track record for helping his clients return to the joy of vibrant, healthy living. He’s available for phone consultations as well as a complete Detoxification and Cleansing Program at The Great Jones Spa in NYC. For more information, please visit www.holistichealthnyc.com.
Great Jones Spa is a magnificent 15,000 square foot, 3 1/2 story luxury spa located on 29 Great Jones Street, NYC 10012. Visit www.greatjonesspa.com to download their complete spa treatment menu or call 212.505.3185 to book an appointment today.