(Photo credit: Nathan Dumlao on UnSplash)
Only a few experiences in our lives are as simultaneously nerve-wracking and magical as going on a first date. It often takes a long time and a lot of courage to ask someone out, so it’s not uncommon for people to be both elated and terrified of potential failure when meeting for the date. Usually, we can rein in both extremes and arrive with a mindset firmly in the middle, while being on the lookout for potential deal-breakers.
While it is true that being on guard is beneficial to the stability of your future relationship, you shouldn’t consider everything they do differently from you as a red flag. Obviously, some things would most likely lead to an early break-up, such as excessive drug use, a history of infidelity, or even worse, a life of crime. But some potential “red flags” such as dull vanilla views on sex life, having no stable income, or being very shy around people can be safely ignored for the time being, as all of the above is subject to change. Read on to discover why these things don’t have to be as bad as they sound:
Dull or Vanilla Views on Sex Life
Some grow quickly bored with routine in the bedroom and look for ways to spice things up, such as BDSM or other kinky activities, while others like to bring variety into their sex life. Others find comfort in routine and don’t enjoy experimenting with new things because they’re content as they are, and some prefer vanilla sex because they find kinky activities uncomfortable, embarrassing, or even scary. Other people like it because it makes them feel they are having ‘normal’ sex. And yet others prefer vanilla because they are simply not into kinky stuff at all. All of the above is fine. It doesn’t mean that your date isn’t into experimenting with different things – it just means that they aren’t into it right now.
If your date doesn’t seem too excited about trying new things in bed, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they lack sexual creativity. They might just think that what happens in their bed is more than enough. Or maybe their lack of enthusiasm may be due to the fact that they couldn’t find anyone who was willing or able to add new things to their sex life before. This does not mean that they cannot imagine something that could potentially spice up their sex life – but it does mean that it may take time before they are willing to try out new things with you.
Rather than assume people without creative minds in the bedroom are dull or unimaginative, consider instead that they may seem boring because the people they have spent time with previously didn’t inspire them to be more creative with their sex lives. Sometimes, it’s all about being inspired! For example, you can spice things up with some toys. So maybe later in the future after you’re comfortable together, you can just link your partner to sites like www.theadulttoyshop.com to see what floats their boat? No one stays the same forever – your vanilla date included.
Lack Of Stable Income
Some say that not having a stable source of income is a dealbreaker. Some believe that getting married and becoming financially dependent on your spouse is a recipe for disaster, and that you need to stay single until you manage to find someone who has the same goal as you – financial independence. While this ideal can be seen as very noble, it is not entirely realistic. Life is unpredictable, and at some point, you may still have to start relying upon someone else financially. The question is: if you are doing it because you are being forced to, or because you are choosing to do so.
Some people choose their partners based on their financial situation, while others select them based on their character traits, or both. If your date seems to be great, but is living paycheck-to-paycheck, instead of worrying about their lack of financial independence, ask them how they plan on achieving financial freedom and what they are doing right now to help themselves get there. If they have a solid, well-conceived plan and are taking steps towards their goal, you can trust that once they do get there, they will take good care of you, too. You may want to be along for the ride, and be supportive.
Being too shy or quiet
People who have been repeatedly shamed or ridiculed in the past often become insecure and fragile in social situations. They may feel that they have nothing worthwhile to say and remain quiet in hopes that others will ignore their lack of contribution. In some cases, being silent is a coping mechanism used by someone who has been traumatized or abused when they were young.
If your date is very quiet when you first meet, don’t immediately assume that they are rude. Don’t stare, waiting for them to say something. Try to spark up a conversation yourself, and if they start responding enthusiastically, you will know that you made a good choice. Even if your date is timid and doesn’t talk much, they may simply be nervous, and once the ice is broken, they may prove to be very interesting and fun to be around. Quiet waters often run deep.
The Bottom Line
No one is perfect, and everyone has a few flaws or a few areas of their life in which they could improve. Some people are great in the bedroom but are lacking in other areas, like financial responsibility. Some people are great in the kitchen, but shy in public. Some are great parents, but they will never be able to provide for their family financially because they made poor choices when they were younger. The list goes on. As you can see, there are many reasons why people do things that may seem strange to you, because we’re all raised differently, with varying perspective. That’s what makes life so interesting. It’s always important to keep an open mind when you meet someone new because you never know how your life together may turn out.
Good luck and happy dating!