Linus Lloyd McCafferty’s Adventures: Boots and Chocolates


As may of you already know, global trekker Linus McCafferty is notorious for his brazen feats such as sleeping in the treetops of the Brazilian rain forest, windsailing through Caribbean storms, and wrestling with lions on the African plains. Having spent a year underground recently in Cuba, Zaire and Mongolia to let the dust settle after blowing the whistle on double-crossing CIA operative in Afghanistan, McCafferty has resurfaced in New York City’s Williamsburg, where we caught up with him over organic artisan coffee and ganache-filled macarons.

At first we didn’t recognize him, as he had grown a beard with “interesting” sideburns. But he was wearing his trademark Clarks Desert Boots. The boots are one of his few indulgences (along with good coffee and pastries, it seems) and he collects them in a variety of colors and styles: blue, grey, suede, leather, plaid-trimmed, white, sand-colored, red, brown and black. All told, he has amassed about 35 new pairs of Clarks desert boots this year. “I’ve dined with dictators, danced with princesses, and have enjoyed sword fights with kings, and no one seems to mind that I do everything in my desert boots. In fact, they’ve become my trademark. They’re comfortable on all terrains and practical for all situations.” Then he looked down at my feet and noticed what I had worn for the occasion: my women’s desert boots, in olive. “Very nice,” he said with a victorious, heart-melting smile. Then he leaned in and whispered, “You know… they have children’s sizes too.” I flushed a deep crimson, and lightly touched my bodice. His breath smelled like sugar and cinnamon. “Do tell,” I whispered, vowing to peruse later when I returned home.

I noticed his glasses, and recognized them as the Hopson polarized model in charcoal + brindle tortoise from Raen Optics, primarily because I too was wearing a pair of Raen shades: Flowers by Alex Knost. “You’re looking at my glasses, and I’m looking at yours,” he said, pointing ever so slightly. “Nothing quite compares to Raen in terms of style. I see you concur.” I agreed with a smile and added, “I appreciate the solid UV protection.” A waiter refilled our water glasses, which contained two slivers of fresh cucumber. “Not only do I have to see, and see well in my line of work,” he explained, “but I have to look good, too. You catch the most flies with honey. I’m a frequent flier on the website.” I pursed my lips as I sipped the cool water and said only, “Well, they suit you.”

I asked McCafferty how he stayed in shape as I admired his muscular build. I knew he was an active man, a sporty man. He pulled a New Tree Flax chocolate bar in a small, snack size from out of his front pocket, and grinned. “High quality Belgian chocolate is the ultimate man fuel, and New Tree offers these travel size bars in Flax with Omega 3, thyme, granola, ginger, chili pepper, apricot, orange, almond, blackcurrant, and more.” As I marveled over his keen memory, he winked and added, “They even have cherry.” Spellbound, I could barely manage to ask where he bought them. “I pick them up in Antwerp, Belgium or at Whole Foods stores here in New York City, but when in doubt, you can check” I promised I would do that, imagining the two of us ensconced in his palatial Algerian lair in the Sahara, eating omega 3-infused chocolate in soft, white cotton pajamas.

He received a text message, and looked at me with great alarm. “I have to catch an Apache helicopter in a few minutes,” he said quickly, “Can you cover the bill?” He dashed out of the café, leaving me to wonder if it had all been a dream.

Then I saw he had left behind a Pink Peppercorn New Tree chocolate on his chair. I knew we would meet again.

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